November 6th, 1993, Brian and I joined together in Holy Matrimony. Pledging our life's to each other (even though I was lost and didn't mean what I was saying), God still witnessed that promise we made to each other, till death do we part. Tomorrow, it will be 16 years since that promise we made, and we have kept the promise. But only the last 5-6 years has been a good marriage. A marriage to be proud of. The first couple of years we were married were horrable. I was thinking about leaving, but so scarred that I could not take care of my daughter and myself alone. I was still in college and working a part time job, and had a baby to take care of too, while he was free to do what he pleased. May things happened in the first several years I will not mention, because of God's saving grace, it is all under the blood. But it was not good, it was enough to drive two people away from each other forever, and never look back. But we stuck through it. After we both matured a little, and started growing up and taking more responsiblity, we started going to church, bought our first home, bought new furniture to put in that home, bought a new car.... we though we were living a dream, wouldn't all this "new" stuff bring us happiness???? It was very short lived. Even though we were both going to church, our life's at home never changed. The constant fighting for what we each wanted, never wanted to comprise or desire to please the other. It was my way or no way. My daughter and I were talking one day a couple years ago, and she said she remembers the fights we had, and they would scare her. I don't think many days went by when we didn't have a very loud "disagreement". I would purchase things I knew he would not approve of. He would by useless stuff just to make me mad. I would day dream about another life and another spouse. I only cared about myself, and as long as I got what I wanted, I was happy. But if things did not go my way, I was like a spoiled 3 years old, throwing a tantrum until I got what I wanted. I would tell anyone who would listen how he has done me wrong and run him down till I was satisfied that his name had been dragged through the mud. I could go on and on.... but for the sake of my sanity, I won't. But I hope you get the picture. We were both miserable people. Of course we had fun with each other when we went of vacation, or was doing something fun, but once the outside stimulation was gone, and it was just me and him, at home, it was dark, there was no connection.
But on May 4th, 2003, Jesus saved my soul, changed my heart, mind, and desires. It took about a year before the Lord really started dealing with my heart about my relationship with Brian. He got saved Nov. of that same year. The Lord showed me scriptures that pertained to a biblical marriage, one that was made in the heavens. I started small by getting up early and making his lunch and breakfast for work. Not talking back, trying to keep my trap shut when it did not need to be opened. Submitting to his decisions for our life and family, without any added opinions from me, unless he asked for it. The Lord has helped me so much over the last 5 1/2 years to learn what the scripture says about a godly wife, and mother, and how I am supposed to submit to my husband. My husband, after he got saved, started changing how he treated and reacted toward me, which made it easier to be submissive to him. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go to becoming that help meet that my husband needs, but everyday I learn and I try to be what God created me to be, Brian's helper. And because of my obedience to God's word, He has blessed our marriage. Not just me, but my husband has been fulfilling his role as a godly husband, and father. He loves me very much, I know. How? By the way he treats me everyday. And the love and honor he shows me as his wife. The more I submit, the better I am treated by him. God honors obedience. For obedience is better than sacrifice. I Sam. 15:22 For the last 6 years has truly been bliss. Thanks to the Savior that change both of our lives forever, and for the grace He shows us both each and everyday. I Thank God for Anniversary's, it beats the alternative....
