What a mighty God we serve!

The last couple of weeks have been filled with ups and downs like you wouldn't believe.  Other than stressing about packing and shipping our stuff and what's going on in Ukraine, I recently found out that I would have to have a hysterectomy.  Big news, especially since we are leaving so soon, and you need at least 6 weeks to completely heal (according to the doctor).  But PTL, let me tell you what happened!!!

Several weeks ago while at one of my doctor appointments, my doctor suggested that I have a biopsy on my uterus.  So I did (an it did not feel good :( ).  Several days later, my doctor called me with the results.  She said that they found that I have hypoplasia and they found A typical cells also.  She told me that I would need a hysterectomy and possibly a full hysterectomy (ovaries and uterus).  But we scheduled a time for the next week to review and talk about what we need to do. So at this point I was really stressing.  Brian and I trying to figure out when we could possibly do this so I wouldn't miss any meetings and still have enough time to heal before we fly out.  But here comes the amazing part....drum roll please.... after my phone call with the doctor, I called some people to ask them to pray.  At the doctors appointment on Monday, my doctor told me, the previous week after we had talked, she run into a doctor friend of hers who was a gynecological cancer specialist.  She told him about me and he suggested doing a D&C first.  This way all the trouble I was having and verifying whether there is cancer could be done at the same time.  And if there is no cancer found from this procedure, I would not have to worry about having a hysterectomy at all.  PTL, right?!  On top of that, she will be able to place in my uterus a device that will slowly give me the hormones I need to regulate me and to thin my uterine wall (take care of the hypoplasia).  God so intervened and answered our prayers, not in the way we thought, but just much better.  He took several difficulties and took care of all of them at the same time!!  What a mighty God we serve!!!!!

4 year Anniversary

November 21 was my 4th year being a preachers wife.  It sure doesn't seem like it has been that long.  The longer I'm a preacher's wife, the more I wonder what God is going to do with us, how is He going to use my husband and I.  Will He call him to be a Pastor, or maybe a missionary on the foriegn field?  Could you imagine all that traveling to collect support, and with 3 kids to boot.  I don't feel worthy to be a preachers wife, and not spiritual enough.  I don't feel adequate to fill this kind of roll.  But the longer I'm saved, the more I realize that God only saved my soul, not my spirit or my flesh, or my personality.  I want to live each day as me, living my life as a servant of the Lord God Almighty.  When I was lost, I was always trying to be something or someone I wasn't.  Always scared of being rejected for being me.  And sometimes I still try to be something that's not me, then I have to remind myself that I don't need to impress anyone except God and my husband.  For when it is all over, God is the one I will be giving an account of my life too, so nothing else matters :)

My Favorite Song

Reminiscing

Recently, I pulled out my pw journals and started reading.  Not really remembering all the details I had written about my first days, weeks and months as a pw.  Such as my first entry, written on November 20th, 2005.....

"Today is my first day as a pw.  How scary.  It is still so surreal. My husband has been talking about it for a couple of months now.  But before he seriously told me what God had laid on his heart, the Lord had impressed on my heart to pray for him, to pray God would called him to preach.  And all the while not really knowing that God had been dealing with him. I am so amazed how God works.  I am so scared I won't live up to being a "pw".  I am so not pw material.  I just pray God will shape me and mold me into what my husband needs me to be, a help meet especially designed for him, so that he can be the preacher God designed him to be.  Dear Lord, please help me to grow in your marvelous grace.  Mold me and make me the women my husbands needs, and the pw that will bring you Glory Oh God.   Show me your face and your Glory.  Manifest yourself in my life, in my husbands life and in our kids lifes.  I don't know what your plans are for us, but I pray that you will help us to take everyday, one day at a time, sweet, sweet, Jesus.  Amen."

The next days entry wasn't as full of victory as the day before. I made my first mistake as a pw, and received a "chewing out" because of it.  But I was just sick because it. And it was only my 2nd day as a pw, and already I had dropped the ball.  But all can think of is that verse in Proverbs 24:16 A JUST MAN FALLETH SEVEN TIMES, AND RISETH UP AGAIN: BUT THE WICKED SHALL FALL INTO MISCHIEF.  And that's what I did, till the next day....

November 22, 2005 "The devil is sure fighting a lot harder since my husband surrendered to preach.....sometimes it seems to me you have to be super human to be a preacher or preacher's family.  I will not write all the things I am thinking because they are not very "preacher wifely".....Yesterday I disappointed _________, and today, again.  Will I ever get anything right?????  In a way, I wish my husband would have never surrendered to preach, that way we would not have to be perfect, or that the way it seems.  I just want to cry; my insides are turning and turning.  I hate this feeling.  I know from now on we will have a battle on our hands, but what if I can't do it, it doesn't seem, up till now, that I can do it.  Dear Lord Jesus, please help me to keep a positive mind set, and not think negative about our situation.  Lord I don't want to disappoint you.  I don't want to disappoint my husband or the people around me.   I need you to help me to live right and do right....please take the hurt away.  i want to be in your will.  Empty me of myself, and feel me up with yourself, Amen"

Many other entry's in my journal were full of hurt and battles, but many were also of God's grace and help in our lifes.  I have learned over the last four years, that I do not have to be perfect.  But just to live each day, as the word of God would lead me, and if I sin I have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; (I John 2:1).   I have also learned that the only ones I have to please is my husband and Jesus, and when I please my husband I please Jesus.  Jesus said , "IF YOU LOVE ME KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS", and that is what I will try my very best to do with the Lords help.

I would like to continue to post old journal entries of mine and also create new journal entrys.  Also post some of my lessons, and things I have learned, and things the Lord so graciously has shown me in his word.  I just hope that someone will receive a blessing from this post.