Recently, I pulled out my pw journals and started reading. Not really remembering all the details I had written about my first days, weeks and months as a pw. Such as my first entry, written on November 20th, 2005.....
"Today is my first day as a pw. How scary. It is still so surreal. My husband has been talking about it for a couple of months now. But before he seriously told me what God had laid on his heart, the Lord had impressed on my heart to pray for him, to pray God would called him to preach. And all the while not really knowing that God had been dealing with him. I am so amazed how God works. I am so scared I won't live up to being a "pw". I am so not pw material. I just pray God will shape me and mold me into what my husband needs me to be, a help meet especially designed for him, so that he can be the preacher God designed him to be. Dear Lord, please help me to grow in your marvelous grace. Mold me and make me the women my husbands needs, and the pw that will bring you Glory Oh God. Show me your face and your Glory. Manifest yourself in my life, in my husbands life and in our kids lifes. I don't know what your plans are for us, but I pray that you will help us to take everyday, one day at a time, sweet, sweet, Jesus. Amen."
The next days entry wasn't as full of victory as the day before. I made my first mistake as a pw, and received a "chewing out" because of it. But I was just sick because it. And it was only my 2nd day as a pw, and already I had dropped the ball. But all can think of is that verse in Proverbs 24:16 A JUST MAN FALLETH SEVEN TIMES, AND RISETH UP AGAIN: BUT THE WICKED SHALL FALL INTO MISCHIEF. And that's what I did, till the next day....
November 22, 2005 "The devil is sure fighting a lot harder since my husband surrendered to preach.....sometimes it seems to me you have to be super human to be a preacher or preacher's family. I will not write all the things I am thinking because they are not very "preacher wifely".....Yesterday I disappointed _________, and today, again. Will I ever get anything right????? In a way, I wish my husband would have never surrendered to preach, that way we would not have to be perfect, or that the way it seems. I just want to cry; my insides are turning and turning. I hate this feeling. I know from now on we will have a battle on our hands, but what if I can't do it, it doesn't seem, up till now, that I can do it. Dear Lord Jesus, please help me to keep a positive mind set, and not think negative about our situation. Lord I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want to disappoint my husband or the people around me. I need you to help me to live right and do right....please take the hurt away. i want to be in your will. Empty me of myself, and feel me up with yourself, Amen"
Many other entry's in my journal were full of hurt and battles, but many were also of God's grace and help in our lifes. I have learned over the last four years, that I do not have to be perfect. But just to live each day, as the word of God would lead me, and if I sin I have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; (I John 2:1). I have also learned that the only ones I have to please is my husband and Jesus, and when I please my husband I please Jesus. Jesus said , "IF YOU LOVE ME KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS", and that is what I will try my very best to do with the Lords help.
I would like to continue to post old journal entries of mine and also create new journal entrys. Also post some of my lessons, and things I have learned, and things the Lord so graciously has shown me in his word. I just hope that someone will receive a blessing from this post.
"Today is my first day as a pw. How scary. It is still so surreal. My husband has been talking about it for a couple of months now. But before he seriously told me what God had laid on his heart, the Lord had impressed on my heart to pray for him, to pray God would called him to preach. And all the while not really knowing that God had been dealing with him. I am so amazed how God works. I am so scared I won't live up to being a "pw". I am so not pw material. I just pray God will shape me and mold me into what my husband needs me to be, a help meet especially designed for him, so that he can be the preacher God designed him to be. Dear Lord, please help me to grow in your marvelous grace. Mold me and make me the women my husbands needs, and the pw that will bring you Glory Oh God. Show me your face and your Glory. Manifest yourself in my life, in my husbands life and in our kids lifes. I don't know what your plans are for us, but I pray that you will help us to take everyday, one day at a time, sweet, sweet, Jesus. Amen."
The next days entry wasn't as full of victory as the day before. I made my first mistake as a pw, and received a "chewing out" because of it. But I was just sick because it. And it was only my 2nd day as a pw, and already I had dropped the ball. But all can think of is that verse in Proverbs 24:16 A JUST MAN FALLETH SEVEN TIMES, AND RISETH UP AGAIN: BUT THE WICKED SHALL FALL INTO MISCHIEF. And that's what I did, till the next day....
November 22, 2005 "The devil is sure fighting a lot harder since my husband surrendered to preach.....sometimes it seems to me you have to be super human to be a preacher or preacher's family. I will not write all the things I am thinking because they are not very "preacher wifely".....Yesterday I disappointed _________, and today, again. Will I ever get anything right????? In a way, I wish my husband would have never surrendered to preach, that way we would not have to be perfect, or that the way it seems. I just want to cry; my insides are turning and turning. I hate this feeling. I know from now on we will have a battle on our hands, but what if I can't do it, it doesn't seem, up till now, that I can do it. Dear Lord Jesus, please help me to keep a positive mind set, and not think negative about our situation. Lord I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want to disappoint my husband or the people around me. I need you to help me to live right and do right....please take the hurt away. i want to be in your will. Empty me of myself, and feel me up with yourself, Amen"
Many other entry's in my journal were full of hurt and battles, but many were also of God's grace and help in our lifes. I have learned over the last four years, that I do not have to be perfect. But just to live each day, as the word of God would lead me, and if I sin I have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; (I John 2:1). I have also learned that the only ones I have to please is my husband and Jesus, and when I please my husband I please Jesus. Jesus said , "IF YOU LOVE ME KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS", and that is what I will try my very best to do with the Lords help.
I would like to continue to post old journal entries of mine and also create new journal entrys. Also post some of my lessons, and things I have learned, and things the Lord so graciously has shown me in his word. I just hope that someone will receive a blessing from this post.
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