Culture Shock Part 3

Culture shock....I thought that after a year I would be more adapted to this culture.  God gives me grace everyday, but it is still hard to fit in.  I was talking with my daughter and asked her why I still stand out.  She said its the way I dress.  This is my style, but my style is American style not Euro style.  Where does American end and Ukrainian begin?  Am I supposed to be meshing more, standing out less, looking less like a foreigner and more like a Ukrainian.  My mindset and my own deep rooted American culture clashes with that of those that I am around everyday.  And it does make it difficult to functions sometimes.

Apartment Building not to far from our house.

This culture is against everything that I am, as a saved person, as an American person, as a moral person, and as my individual personality would allow.  Here, it is normal when people are late, no matter what the profession or position.  Everyone bribes everyone, from the top to the bottom.  I have seen more than my fair share of that.  NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE wants to follow traffic laws.  They go where they want to go when they want to go.  A red light means absolutely nothing.  And grown men going to the bathroom where ever they please....

My first wreck in Ukraine.  The tram run a red light and hit the light green car, then that car hit me.

But, in our little church, their are the most precious people.  Despite our cultural differences, they love my Saviour.  We share the same desires and have the same Holy Spirit living within.  Yes, they maybe late for church.  But they don't have the nice air conditioned/heated vehicle to take them where they need to go.  They have to walk, ride public transportation, and sometimes many different forms of transportation to get to church. There are seats on the buses, trams, and metros, but seats are not guaranteed.   Some of them are from the village, and takes them at least an hour and a half to get to church.  So it is love, a desire to fellowship with those (as the Apostle Peter put it) of like precious faith, and a longing to hear God's Word that brings them.  After such a long trip in the unbearably hot or cold weather, would you come to church with a huge smile on your face?  They do :)  They encourage me like not other could. 

So, though I still struggle, God is so good.  He encourages me through the people of God, and through my personal Bible study.  Though I really miss my family and church family, what grace God has given; for homesickness is not something I struggle with as much as I used to. 

This now means I have finally made it to the Adjustment phase: Again, after some time, (usually around 6-12 months) one becomes more familiar and comfortable with the culture, people, food, and language of the new country. One will likely feel less homesick and will have a better handle on the situations that they previously found frustrating. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced.

Ukraine feels more and more like home.  I'm still learning the language, and can not communicate as much as I would like.  But how do you describe the grace of God in a situation like this.  It is so true what people say, that sometimes you have to experience something's in order to receive the most from that situation.  Sometimes, something's are just indescribable!

Culture Shock Part 2

Where do I start???  I believe I will start right here.... хорошо? Below is a description of 2 stages of culture shock...I am still in the negotiation stage....

Negotiation Stage: After some time (usually around three months, depending on the individual), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. Excitement may eventually give way to unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to experience unfavorable events that may be perceived as strange and offensive to one's cultural attitude. Language barriers, stark differences in public hygiene, traffic safety, food accessibility and quality may heighten the sense of disconnection from the surroundings. This may lead to difficulty sleeping, sadness, homesickness, exhaustion, increased worry, a desire to withdraw, unexplained crying, or overeating.

Adjustment phase: Again, after some time, (usually around 6-12 months) one becomes more familiar and comfortable with the culture, people, food, and language of the new country. One will likely feel less homesick and will have a better handle on the situations that they previously found frustrating. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced.

As of right now, we have been in Ukraine a little over 6 months.  I have been dealing with minor culture shock for several months now, and finally thought I was over the worst of it.  But I was wrong!!!  I honestly did not see this coming and I didn't think it would come at me like it did.  It has effected every part of me: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I would like to just curl up into a ball in the corner of my bedroom and cover up with a blanket and ask the world to leave me alone and let me be.  Can't the world keep going without me?  Can't I just disappear until all this "culture shock" stuff goes away? You know, that's my nature, my make up.  I want to hide, be invisible, be alone when I am facing a battle I feel I can't handle, and this is a battle I was not prepared for.  Not that I didn't know that I would go through what people called "culture shock", but I didn't expect it like this.  I have literally been physically sick, and have such a hard time keeping my mind and heart on track.  It is very hard to explain.  Some of it comes from the frustrations of having to deal with a foreign culture.  What's normal for them is completely ridiculous to us.  I don't know how many times I have asked, "Why do they have to do everything the hard way here?".  "Why does it take me all day to get one things done, even with a car?" 

I have been told that no one but other foreign missionaries will even know what I am talking about or going through, because they have been through it themselves.  And God gave them grace just when they needed it the most!  And most people in the states have no idea what  a struggle and battle it is.  And in most cases could care less, and those who do care do not know how to comfort you because they do not know the struggles you are facing.  But слава Богу (PTL), Бог знаем (God knows).

Have you ever been in a place where it is so hard just to keep your thoughts, words, and actions positive.   Why does everything come out so negative?  Imagine living like this.  Imagine having the hardest time praying. Imagine hating the person who you currently are....  this is culture shock. 

Have you ever been in a place where everything is backwards and upside down?  Imagine that everything you do and have always done is considered wrong or weird.  Imagine walking down the road, or walking in the store like you always do and getting strange looks or even rude comments.  Imagine always being taken advantage of just because of where you come from.  Imagine living in a country that has such a preconceived idea of what an "American" is, they think you are what you are not, then have to overcoming them seeing you as such.  This is culture shock.

Have you ever been in church have no idea what is going on?  Imagine sitting in service and not understanding the songs, or anything that is being said.  Imagine not being able to fellowship with other believes because you have no way to communicate with them.  Imagine that the church services are so different than what you have been accustom to since you've been saved.  Imagine after 6 months, still not being able to just sit down and talk with another sister, not because theirs nothing to talk about, but its because of the huge language barrier.  Vocal language and sign language.  This is culture shock.

This doesn't cover everything I'm sure, but this is what was on my heart :)

 

Culture Shock - Part 3

Living in Ukraine

Tuesday will make our 5 month anniversary here in Kharkov.  Wow, I can't believe we have been here 5 months.  I'm not as advanced in the language as I would have liked to been by now.  But we are working on it.  Brian and Briana are way ahead of the boys and I.  Briana read 2 long paragraphs to my mother-in-law the other day on Skype.  I have been praying that God would make it very easy for them to learn the language and that He would open their minds and understanding to Russian.  I have learned enough to speak very simple sentences, but nothing more than that.  When someone talks to me I break out in a nervous sweat.  Does that happen to anyone but me.  I also break out in a nervous sweat when I go to the store, especially in the check out line.  I get nervous riding public transportation also....some people are very nice when they realize you do not speak Russian and help you, but some are very rude and hateful.  But since I have no idea what they are saying....I just smile....

We had some excitement the other week....our first hospital visit here....Orion come in the house and said, "Mom, Zach's OK, I just wanted to tell you that.  But he hurt himself playing football (soccer)."  Ok, it is never good when he says that!  Zach come in the house and said it hurt alittle, but hurt more when he moved it.  It was only alittle swollen, and I couldn't really tell what was wrong with it.  Ms. Cathy O'Brien is a nurse, so I called her about this.  She said we needed to get x-rays to make sure it is not broken and go from there.  So we took a Taxi to Hospital #7 near the church.  After Zach got his x-rays, lo and behold, it is broken.  It broke where the 2 bones meet right at your wrist.  So they had to set the bone because it was not a clean break.  But praise God, the doctor was a good doctor and it did not take that long!  This past Friday we went back for more x-rays, and praise God, the doctor said it is healing very well, and he only has to wear the cast one more week.  Wow, I was shocked, I thought he would have to wear it much longer, but praise God, he doesn't.  He does have to wear a metal, removable brace for several weeks though.  But at least it's not a cast!

 

As for general life in Ukraine, it still takes a lot to get used to.  We're not used to having close neighbors.  We live in a kind of duplex.  We enter in through the front, they enter in through the back but we do enter in through the same front gate. Several of the rooms in our houses are connected.  So we are able to hear what is going on in there home, and I'm sure they can hear us too.  Sometimes, we really don't want to hear what is going on in the other house.  Currently there are about 3 or 4 young college students from Africa.  But their lease is up and I believe they will soon be moving.  My prayer is to have a family move in behind us.  There is also another small apartment (detached) behind us with other couple of African college students.  Praying about maybe trying to find a home with a yard all to ourselves.  We are hoping the Lord will provide just what we need.

PTL!!! God has answered our prayers for a vehicle.  I was hoping for a mini van, but this is better than nothing.  It is a 2007 Russian Lada Seyorka.  The body style of this car has not changed in 20 years!  It's about as basic as basic gets.  We are praying about getting power steering.  It is very hard to drive.  Trying to change gears and turn the steering wheel is very hard!  It has been such a blessing to not have to take a Taxi to church!!!  I had a scary taxi experience last week coming back from the hospital after Zach got his xrays.  The taxi driver decided to stop at an apartment on a dark road at 11:30pm...and left us in the Taxi for 10 minutes.  I called my husband and talked to him the whole time to make sure nothing would happen.  And that is not the first time that has happened!  So praise the Lord for the car!  Still praying that the Lord would provide us a mini-van.  It will be more roomy for our family, plus we would have room for other's too. 

Culture Shock Part 1

 

Culture Shock....

In our April/May prayer letter, we included all the different stages of culture shock.  Phase 1 has already dissipated.... and phase 2 has appeared with a vengeance.... 

If you don't remember the stages of culture shock...Phase 1 is....

Honeymoon stage: This is usually during the first few weeks or months. People experience emotions like excitement, anticipation, and eagerness. Everything and everyone is new and exciting.

And how true that was.  I was ready to take Kharkov by storm.  Learned the public transportation routes pretty quickly.  I was learning everything I could learn and take in everything as fast as I could. God gave us a mission, and I was going to go full force with everything I had in me. 

But Phase 2 has slapped me in the face as hard as it could....

Negotiation Stage: After some time (usually around three months, depending on the individual), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. Excitement may eventually give way to unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to experience unfavorable events that may be perceived as strange and offensive to one's cultural attitude. Language barriers, stark differences in public hygiene, traffic safety, food accessibility and quality may heighten the sense of disconnection from the surroundings. This may lead to difficulty sleeping, sadness, homesickness, exhaustion, increased worry, a desire to withdraw, unexplained crying, or overeating.

We have been in Ukraine not quite 3 months, and I have experienced all of the above....it made me laugh for just one second, for I hadn't read this article on culture shock since we put it in our prayer letter many months ago, and to have experienced all this...who ever wrote this article sure knew what they were talking about. 

I haven't blogged for several weeks because of this very reason, I knew everything that come out would sound very negative or have a negative twist to it.  I try really hard not to give in to these feelings of frustration when everyone and everything seems to defy the very basic code of morality and basic common decency we expect.  Just the very mind set of the people we interact with on a daily basic troubles me exceedingly.  I know that this is how they have been taught their whole lives, but for me to have to turn my world upside-down so I can intergrade into their society is so very difficult! 

It's not just the frailty of our mortal flesh that has a hard time dealing with the cultural differences, but it's also the spiritual battles we face on a daily basis!  Spiritual warfare!  A very wise women counseled me this.... Eph. 6:10-12 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.  I feel so weak, but the scripture says, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might by putting on the whole armour of God.  This is my goal, to daily put on the armour of God, for without it, I will not make it!

God has been so good to me, His kindness, grace, and mercy has exceeded my expectations!  Which He always does!!!  It truly humbles me, and helps me on this journey, and on this path He has placed me on. 

 

Continue reading...

 

Culture Shock - Part 2

 

Culture Shock - Part 3

From Heart to Heart

We have been in Ukraine for a whole month today.  I have such mixed emotions, I'm not sure what to think.  There is such a passion inside me, every person I see reminds me why I am here!  But... (yes there is a BUT) there are other things in which I am having such a hard time with. 

PTL!  The Lord provided us a great home in a great location, but our neighbors like to play there music loud and it is the boom, boom kind of music if you know what I mean.  There really nice, but it's hard to focus on any one thing with the neighbors music vibrating through our house.  One night, it went on like that till 4am. 

I still have not been able to cook a real meal since we've been here.  I can't read any of the labels, so I only buy by the pictures, or use my translator on my phone to try and figure out what everything is.  It took me 3 weeks to figure out how to order pre-made food in the store so we can eat something other than Salome and cheese sandwiches :)  So now it's chicken plove and young capushta salad every night.  We do now have a translator that has been helping me at the grocery store, so I have been able to buy a little more than I had been.  Right now, we only have a stove top.  Here in Ukraine, they do not use ovens much, so there is not much of a need to have one.  We have a oven ordered, hope it will be here soon.  I guess as a mom and wife, I want to be able to provide for my family, but I can even fulfill my position by getting what I need.  It's very frustrating. 

Public transportation....I have already dedicated a post to it...but it does deserve an honorable mention here.... I do not like public transportation... I do not like it Sam-I-Am.... for them it's a part of life... for me it's a extreme frustration.  I try so hard to be content... but when you have old grandmother yelling a your children and you have no idea what there saying... it can be quite upsetting.

Church is a lot different too.... in church last week... I had to walk out in the middle of the service and go to the bathroom and cry.  I don't know exactly what it was.  It may have been I couldn't understand the songs, or that when I was listening to my translator it made me feel a little disattached from the service...not sure exactly....

...it was nice to finally get our boxes yesterday.  We have peanut butter :)  Yeah!!!  It was like Christmas opening all those boxes and seeing things that were familiar to me.  :)  Big smiles :)

I am so sorry, I know this post is a little on the negative side and very scattered... but I miss home something awful and my mind is going in 1000 different directions!!!  Sometimes I lay in bed thinking of my mom and dad, and family we left in the states and all my friends and church family....  sometimes I really just want to go home... Go back to the states where everyone is familiar and I don't need a translator to get things done.  Where I don't have to pay $100 for an clothes iron.... I know this is a part of my adjustment, but I don't like myself like I have been...

God has been sooooo kind and gracious to me....He knows what an adjustment this has been.  My kids and my husband are doing so great :) I am so happy they are.  But I know there is going to be a time in which they will go through the same thing I'm going through, and I hope by then I will be a little more stable and be able to help them adjust better!!

Public transportation in Ukraine

 

We have been in Ukraine for several weeks.... and I do believe I have mastered the public transportation system....we'll....almost :/  Above is a picture of a very empty Marshuka (bus).  Most of the time, they are so packed, it makes you feel like one of those chickens in the crates that they stuff full to transport on the back of 18 wheelers....

Here we are riding a empty Metro (it's very hard to take pictures when they are packed...you can't move your arms to get to your camera (OK, so maybe not quite that packed, but sometimes you can't hardly move around because you are so squished in)

 

Below, Brian is buying the tickets we need to get on the Metro...

 

But now we can bypass these machines because we got Metro cards that we use...we just scan in our cards to go through the turn stalls (electronic ones).

 



 

Everyone trying to get to their destination....just another reminder of why we are here.  To help them see God's way to Heaven so THAT will be their final destination.

 

 

Marshuka and Trolley Bus stops....each sign telling you what bus numbers stop there...

 

 

Our family riding on the Tramvi.  This tram rides on rails...these are also very empty compared to what they usually are...

 

A Day on Public Transport Video...

 

 

I have realized that I took for granted the fact that I had a van...and could go anywhere I wanted in that van.  Didn't have to depend on anyone else to get where I needed to go.  It does get frustrating sometimes, having to wait on the Marshuka or Tram to get there.  Often times, the trams break down and one doesn't come for 45 minutes.   Or if it breaks down while your on it, you have to find another way to your destination.  I don't know how many times I have been late to somewhere because of the public transport.  I leave way early just incase and still end up being late.  This has been great culture study for us.  We can be more understanding when someone is late for church, because the majority of people here depend on the public transportation to get them where they need to go...never again will I take a car for granted... :)