Unspotted by the World

My husband preaching "Pure Religion or Purely Religious"

 

I am in complete wonder and awe at how my God loves me.  How He steers me when I start to vear to the right or to the left.  Have you ever found yourself veering and not even know that you were doing it?  Or maybe you did but you did not think that it was enough to move you completely into another lane? 

This make's me think of a road, and your moving along this road which has ferocious curves and roller coaster hills and sometimes steep mountains.  It may be smooth, straight, and long like the roads in New Mexico.  It may be dirt, gravel, or paved (or completely covered in potholes like here in Ukraine), but you still manage to stay on this road no matter how bad it gets.  Sometimes you were speeding through and sometimes slowly cruising.  But the danger comes when you start veering.  You may only veer alittle, but depending on the road, alittle veer can send you over a steep cliff, or you can just catch the curb and it send you tumbling off the road.  I've always been very nervous about riding too close to the edge of a road. I'm always worried that I'll run off of the road and end up wreaking.  That's a constant fear when I'm driving, especially on  our Ashe County NC mountain roads. 

Not until recently, though, did it even cross my mind that I had not been doing that spiritually. I had not been aware of my position on this road of life.  I'm still on the road, I haven't wrecked, but I have not been as conscience and aware of where I was or how close I may be to the curb....that was an eye opener for me!!!

All this came about from a message my husband had preached out of James 1:21-27.  He was preaching on Pure Religion or Purely Religious.  The thing that got me was vs. 27 at the end where it says...to keep himself unspotted from the world.  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  It stirred in my heart like a tornado.  You would think, since I am an KJB only independent Baptist that that would be a no brainer.  But is it really.  Do we sometimes let ourselves see things we shouldn't be seeing or do we hear things we shouldn't be hearing.  Or do we put ourselves in a place where the world is much closer than it should be.  And I am not taking about blatant sin.  But, watching a movie with one bad word, or when they mention something that makes you uncomfortable.  Do you keep watching, or do you let that part of the "world" rub off on you, or spot you? So many times, here in Ukraine, morality is not in their vocabulary, so you see a lot of things you don't want to see.  But it's the attitude of heart and mind that helps you not to be spotted....to think on these things (Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Phil. 4:8)

Sometimes I find it absolutely amazing at how God can just open your eyes so wide open about certain things at certain times.  Why now?  Why not earlier?  Not that I didn't understand that verse of scripture before, but that it spoke volumes to me on that Sunday.  It was like when I got saved. It was how the way I thought and saw things was so different.  How my thoughts processed differently.  This is what I like to call the Great White Way :)  How God gives light in certain areas, and if our reaction is one of repentance and submission, it purifies us, it cleanses us. 

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.   Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.   Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.   Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.   Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.  James 4:6-10

I see that sometimes I get so caught up in life I forget to "walk circumspectly". I forget to stay conscientious about those things which I often take for granted. Sometimes I forget about all those potholes in the road dug out by those who would like to see the end of me.  Hitting enough of those potholes without the proper daily maintenance in all probability can also cause a wreak.  I don't want to become shipwrecked....  Daily maintenance of Bible reading and prayer is the way to keep everything tight and running.  Not forgetting the occasional part replacement that will need to take place (biblically called pruning)....

Just Thinking

As I sit here, thinking of how to put my heart into words, I remind myself that I am a preacher's wife.  Believe it or not, I always forget, even as I sit, watching my husband behind the pulpit, preaching the Word of God.... I still don't think about it.  It's usually only by this blog, or by someone mentioning it that I think on it.  For lately, my heart has been sad.  I don't know why really.  I laugh, but still in my heart, I am down.  Just as in Proverbs 14:13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.  It seems for a long while now, it has been like this.  I smile, but behind the smile is a heaviness that can not be explained.  I know this is not good.  What do I have to be sad about?  Jesus loves me.  My name is written in heaven.  Our pastor just preached a message about that very thought.  Jesus said....but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven. (Luke 10:20) Maybe it's the very heaviness of life itself? The world and it's inducements.  The very wickedness that surrounds us everyday that we live and breath here on this sin cursed earth. hhhmmmmm....

I have been reading the life story of John Bunyan, the man who wrote the Pilgrims Progress.  He had so many trails and temptations in his life, but they are trails and temptations that the devil uses on us today, the same ones.  I guess that's why Paul said that we are not ignorant of his devises, because he uses the same old tactics as he did 400 years ago.  Some of the things I have been though, thinking how wicked I was to think such things, but I read how John Bunyan went though the same exact thing.  It's a blessing to read that book, if you have not yet read it, I would suggest you get a copy of it.  It's called "Grace abounding to the chief of sinners".  It will truly be a help and a blessing.

4 year Anniversary

November 21 was my 4th year being a preachers wife.  It sure doesn't seem like it has been that long.  The longer I'm a preacher's wife, the more I wonder what God is going to do with us, how is He going to use my husband and I.  Will He call him to be a Pastor, or maybe a missionary on the foriegn field?  Could you imagine all that traveling to collect support, and with 3 kids to boot.  I don't feel worthy to be a preachers wife, and not spiritual enough.  I don't feel adequate to fill this kind of roll.  But the longer I'm saved, the more I realize that God only saved my soul, not my spirit or my flesh, or my personality.  I want to live each day as me, living my life as a servant of the Lord God Almighty.  When I was lost, I was always trying to be something or someone I wasn't.  Always scared of being rejected for being me.  And sometimes I still try to be something that's not me, then I have to remind myself that I don't need to impress anyone except God and my husband.  For when it is all over, God is the one I will be giving an account of my life too, so nothing else matters :)

Faith....

I am extremely frustrated at myself this morning. Why? We'll.....I have been prepping for a yard sale for a couple of week now. Today was going to be the day we had the yard sale. We had a prime location! For the elementary school down the road from the home where we were going to have it at, was having a huge indoor yard sale in there gym. So I wanted to take advantage of the MAJOR advertising they were doing! For the local "yard salers" would be driving right by this location to get to the school. Last night, my husband and I took some tables to this location, and stayed a bit, and played some cards (nerts and golf). Our friends that lived in this home told us that there was going to be a 90% chance of rain, and it looked as if we would be rained out. I told them that I had been praying, and had the kids praying too that it would not rain so we could have the yard sale. I had faith the Lord would come through in this minor matter for me. But as we chatted and played cards, the subject would keep coming up about the rain not stopping, and how we would get rained out...but I just kept believing God was going to answer my simple request. It was late when we left their home.....and it was still pouring down the rain. We got home and when to bed, expecting to get up in a couple of hours so we could load everything in the Montero and in the truck and head over to the ys location. But my husband woke me up at 4:15 and said, it's still raining and went back to sleep. I felt defeated, had the Lord not answered my pray, and before I knew it, I had fell back asleep.....now it was 8:00 and it has cleared up and it is not raining. I just knew the Lord would come through for me, but now it is to late to go, by the time I got the kids up ready, and everything packed, etc... we would be there very long. Was God testing my faith this morning? And there was another test I failed. The greatest sin in the bible is unbelief. For the sinner, unbelief will send them to hell, for the saint, it will stunt there spiritual growth. Why is it so hard sometimes to just believe the Lord loves us and wants our best? In the book of Hebrews it says....Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. God calls unbelief EVIL. The children of Israel had to wander in the desert for 40 years all because of unbelief. They didn't believe what God promised He would do, even with all the obstacles before them. For salvation, Jesus said to "REPENT and believe" Repentance coming first and belief coming after. After I turned (repented unto) to God on May 4, 2003, God gave me the faith to believe. I turned to God after having turned away from everything else in my life. And simple child like trust in my Saviour, to save me from a miserable existence. But now, my husband and I are still kicking ourselves for letting others effect our faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen Hebrews 11:1. My faith was wavered by another, but that is no excuse for me. But my Lord was so gracious as to show me that He does love me and did answer my prayer. He shows me so much kindness each and everyday that I live. I am so unworthy of His grace and mercy, that He would love an old sinner like me. A sinner saved by His marvelous grace!!! God is so GOOD!!!!

Family Beach Trip

 

Recently, we took a respite and went to the coast. My boys, having never been to the beach, had a blast.  For my daughter it had been a good many years.  As for me, it had been at least 10 years.  When we were lost, we loved to go to the beach to "party it up", but Jesus delivered us from those worldly desires, and gave us new desires and a new heart.  A heart for the things of God.  Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a NEW CREATURE: old things are passed away, behold ALL things are become new.  2 Cor. 5:17

This was my first beach trip since I got saved.  Both me and my husband.  We all had so much fun.  There was not many people there, and it was overcast the whole first day.  So we pretty much had the pools and beach to ourselves. 

 

The boys didn't know quite what to expect.  They were a bit scared of the tide rolling up on there feet as they stood there.  Corey, the youngest, would run as soon as the water come up to his feet.  But soon they were trying to "ride" the waves as they came in.  My daughter just sat down on the sand and let the waves come over her.  My husband and I just enjoyed playing in the waves and in the pool with the kids. 

We went to the beach for the occasion of my sister-in-laws wedding.   She lives at the beach, and had her wedding on the beach at 7am.  I had never been to a beach wedding, it was a first for me.

 

It was wonderful to see the sun rise with such beauty.  How could anyone not know there is a God after seeing such glory, in all the gorgeous colors of the sunrise?  In the book of Job, he says...and said, Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further: and here shall thy proud waves be stayed? Job 37:11  God was asking Job many questions, and one being the one above.  Could Job say to the water, don't come any further?  No, not one, but God.  The sand, the ocean, the sky, and even the smell of salt water, all declare His glory.  Psalms 19:1  The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament showeth his handiwork.  I couldn't help but think of this verse when looking a t the beautiful sunrise.  I wish I could have gotten accurate pictures of what the sky (heavens) looked like that morning.

Reminiscing

Recently, I pulled out my pw journals and started reading.  Not really remembering all the details I had written about my first days, weeks and months as a pw.  Such as my first entry, written on November 20th, 2005.....

"Today is my first day as a pw.  How scary.  It is still so surreal. My husband has been talking about it for a couple of months now.  But before he seriously told me what God had laid on his heart, the Lord had impressed on my heart to pray for him, to pray God would called him to preach.  And all the while not really knowing that God had been dealing with him. I am so amazed how God works.  I am so scared I won't live up to being a "pw".  I am so not pw material.  I just pray God will shape me and mold me into what my husband needs me to be, a help meet especially designed for him, so that he can be the preacher God designed him to be.  Dear Lord, please help me to grow in your marvelous grace.  Mold me and make me the women my husbands needs, and the pw that will bring you Glory Oh God.   Show me your face and your Glory.  Manifest yourself in my life, in my husbands life and in our kids lifes.  I don't know what your plans are for us, but I pray that you will help us to take everyday, one day at a time, sweet, sweet, Jesus.  Amen."

The next days entry wasn't as full of victory as the day before. I made my first mistake as a pw, and received a "chewing out" because of it.  But I was just sick because it. And it was only my 2nd day as a pw, and already I had dropped the ball.  But all can think of is that verse in Proverbs 24:16 A JUST MAN FALLETH SEVEN TIMES, AND RISETH UP AGAIN: BUT THE WICKED SHALL FALL INTO MISCHIEF.  And that's what I did, till the next day....

November 22, 2005 "The devil is sure fighting a lot harder since my husband surrendered to preach.....sometimes it seems to me you have to be super human to be a preacher or preacher's family.  I will not write all the things I am thinking because they are not very "preacher wifely".....Yesterday I disappointed _________, and today, again.  Will I ever get anything right?????  In a way, I wish my husband would have never surrendered to preach, that way we would not have to be perfect, or that the way it seems.  I just want to cry; my insides are turning and turning.  I hate this feeling.  I know from now on we will have a battle on our hands, but what if I can't do it, it doesn't seem, up till now, that I can do it.  Dear Lord Jesus, please help me to keep a positive mind set, and not think negative about our situation.  Lord I don't want to disappoint you.  I don't want to disappoint my husband or the people around me.   I need you to help me to live right and do right....please take the hurt away.  i want to be in your will.  Empty me of myself, and feel me up with yourself, Amen"

Many other entry's in my journal were full of hurt and battles, but many were also of God's grace and help in our lifes.  I have learned over the last four years, that I do not have to be perfect.  But just to live each day, as the word of God would lead me, and if I sin I have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; (I John 2:1).   I have also learned that the only ones I have to please is my husband and Jesus, and when I please my husband I please Jesus.  Jesus said , "IF YOU LOVE ME KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS", and that is what I will try my very best to do with the Lords help.

I would like to continue to post old journal entries of mine and also create new journal entrys.  Also post some of my lessons, and things I have learned, and things the Lord so graciously has shown me in his word.  I just hope that someone will receive a blessing from this post.