From Heart to Heart

We have been in Ukraine for a whole month today.  I have such mixed emotions, I'm not sure what to think.  There is such a passion inside me, every person I see reminds me why I am here!  But... (yes there is a BUT) there are other things in which I am having such a hard time with. 

PTL!  The Lord provided us a great home in a great location, but our neighbors like to play there music loud and it is the boom, boom kind of music if you know what I mean.  There really nice, but it's hard to focus on any one thing with the neighbors music vibrating through our house.  One night, it went on like that till 4am. 

I still have not been able to cook a real meal since we've been here.  I can't read any of the labels, so I only buy by the pictures, or use my translator on my phone to try and figure out what everything is.  It took me 3 weeks to figure out how to order pre-made food in the store so we can eat something other than Salome and cheese sandwiches :)  So now it's chicken plove and young capushta salad every night.  We do now have a translator that has been helping me at the grocery store, so I have been able to buy a little more than I had been.  Right now, we only have a stove top.  Here in Ukraine, they do not use ovens much, so there is not much of a need to have one.  We have a oven ordered, hope it will be here soon.  I guess as a mom and wife, I want to be able to provide for my family, but I can even fulfill my position by getting what I need.  It's very frustrating. 

Public transportation....I have already dedicated a post to it...but it does deserve an honorable mention here.... I do not like public transportation... I do not like it Sam-I-Am.... for them it's a part of life... for me it's a extreme frustration.  I try so hard to be content... but when you have old grandmother yelling a your children and you have no idea what there saying... it can be quite upsetting.

Church is a lot different too.... in church last week... I had to walk out in the middle of the service and go to the bathroom and cry.  I don't know exactly what it was.  It may have been I couldn't understand the songs, or that when I was listening to my translator it made me feel a little disattached from the service...not sure exactly....

...it was nice to finally get our boxes yesterday.  We have peanut butter :)  Yeah!!!  It was like Christmas opening all those boxes and seeing things that were familiar to me.  :)  Big smiles :)

I am so sorry, I know this post is a little on the negative side and very scattered... but I miss home something awful and my mind is going in 1000 different directions!!!  Sometimes I lay in bed thinking of my mom and dad, and family we left in the states and all my friends and church family....  sometimes I really just want to go home... Go back to the states where everyone is familiar and I don't need a translator to get things done.  Where I don't have to pay $100 for an clothes iron.... I know this is a part of my adjustment, but I don't like myself like I have been...

God has been sooooo kind and gracious to me....He knows what an adjustment this has been.  My kids and my husband are doing so great :) I am so happy they are.  But I know there is going to be a time in which they will go through the same thing I'm going through, and I hope by then I will be a little more stable and be able to help them adjust better!!

Ordination Day

Today was my husbands ordination.  I was not sure what to expect...but I can tell you it was nothing like what I thought it was going to be.  There were 7 great men of God my on husband council, and we were so honored they could all be there!!! 

 

Our pastor's wife sang "Across the Miles", and I was OK until then....then the waterfall started...

 

Our pastor preached an AWESOME message....of course....

 

Pastor had each man on Brian's ordination to give us words of

encouragement and then they prayed over us.

 

Starting with Bro. Whitmore from Anchor Baptist Church in Pisgah Forest, NC

 

Then a close pastor friend, Bro. Keith Troyer from Grace Baptist Church in Greenville, NC

 

Our family, from L to R, my mom, my mother-in-law, Brian's grandparents

 

They Bro. Mike Qualls out of Morning Star Baptist Church in Cleveland, NC

 

Next was Bro. Robert Taylor, Pastor of Grace Baptist Church in Chucky, TN

 

Now, it was Bro. Phillip Willis turn out of Life Baptist Church in St. Stephens, SC

 

They kids listening intently

 

Finally, it was Bro. David Trivette, a preacher out of our home church

 

After all the preacher's prayed over us, our pastor and the deacons of our church prayed...

 

Precious memories :)

 

Pastor giving Brian his signed Certificate of Ordination!

 

Our family :)

 

Some of my friends which I will miss dearly...

 

Faith....

I am extremely frustrated at myself this morning. Why? We'll.....I have been prepping for a yard sale for a couple of week now. Today was going to be the day we had the yard sale. We had a prime location! For the elementary school down the road from the home where we were going to have it at, was having a huge indoor yard sale in there gym. So I wanted to take advantage of the MAJOR advertising they were doing! For the local "yard salers" would be driving right by this location to get to the school. Last night, my husband and I took some tables to this location, and stayed a bit, and played some cards (nerts and golf). Our friends that lived in this home told us that there was going to be a 90% chance of rain, and it looked as if we would be rained out. I told them that I had been praying, and had the kids praying too that it would not rain so we could have the yard sale. I had faith the Lord would come through in this minor matter for me. But as we chatted and played cards, the subject would keep coming up about the rain not stopping, and how we would get rained out...but I just kept believing God was going to answer my simple request. It was late when we left their home.....and it was still pouring down the rain. We got home and when to bed, expecting to get up in a couple of hours so we could load everything in the Montero and in the truck and head over to the ys location. But my husband woke me up at 4:15 and said, it's still raining and went back to sleep. I felt defeated, had the Lord not answered my pray, and before I knew it, I had fell back asleep.....now it was 8:00 and it has cleared up and it is not raining. I just knew the Lord would come through for me, but now it is to late to go, by the time I got the kids up ready, and everything packed, etc... we would be there very long. Was God testing my faith this morning? And there was another test I failed. The greatest sin in the bible is unbelief. For the sinner, unbelief will send them to hell, for the saint, it will stunt there spiritual growth. Why is it so hard sometimes to just believe the Lord loves us and wants our best? In the book of Hebrews it says....Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. God calls unbelief EVIL. The children of Israel had to wander in the desert for 40 years all because of unbelief. They didn't believe what God promised He would do, even with all the obstacles before them. For salvation, Jesus said to "REPENT and believe" Repentance coming first and belief coming after. After I turned (repented unto) to God on May 4, 2003, God gave me the faith to believe. I turned to God after having turned away from everything else in my life. And simple child like trust in my Saviour, to save me from a miserable existence. But now, my husband and I are still kicking ourselves for letting others effect our faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen Hebrews 11:1. My faith was wavered by another, but that is no excuse for me. But my Lord was so gracious as to show me that He does love me and did answer my prayer. He shows me so much kindness each and everyday that I live. I am so unworthy of His grace and mercy, that He would love an old sinner like me. A sinner saved by His marvelous grace!!! God is so GOOD!!!!

My Favorite Song

Family Beach Trip

 

Recently, we took a respite and went to the coast. My boys, having never been to the beach, had a blast.  For my daughter it had been a good many years.  As for me, it had been at least 10 years.  When we were lost, we loved to go to the beach to "party it up", but Jesus delivered us from those worldly desires, and gave us new desires and a new heart.  A heart for the things of God.  Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a NEW CREATURE: old things are passed away, behold ALL things are become new.  2 Cor. 5:17

This was my first beach trip since I got saved.  Both me and my husband.  We all had so much fun.  There was not many people there, and it was overcast the whole first day.  So we pretty much had the pools and beach to ourselves. 

 

The boys didn't know quite what to expect.  They were a bit scared of the tide rolling up on there feet as they stood there.  Corey, the youngest, would run as soon as the water come up to his feet.  But soon they were trying to "ride" the waves as they came in.  My daughter just sat down on the sand and let the waves come over her.  My husband and I just enjoyed playing in the waves and in the pool with the kids. 

We went to the beach for the occasion of my sister-in-laws wedding.   She lives at the beach, and had her wedding on the beach at 7am.  I had never been to a beach wedding, it was a first for me.

 

It was wonderful to see the sun rise with such beauty.  How could anyone not know there is a God after seeing such glory, in all the gorgeous colors of the sunrise?  In the book of Job, he says...and said, Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further: and here shall thy proud waves be stayed? Job 37:11  God was asking Job many questions, and one being the one above.  Could Job say to the water, don't come any further?  No, not one, but God.  The sand, the ocean, the sky, and even the smell of salt water, all declare His glory.  Psalms 19:1  The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament showeth his handiwork.  I couldn't help but think of this verse when looking a t the beautiful sunrise.  I wish I could have gotten accurate pictures of what the sky (heavens) looked like that morning.

Reminiscing

Recently, I pulled out my pw journals and started reading.  Not really remembering all the details I had written about my first days, weeks and months as a pw.  Such as my first entry, written on November 20th, 2005.....

"Today is my first day as a pw.  How scary.  It is still so surreal. My husband has been talking about it for a couple of months now.  But before he seriously told me what God had laid on his heart, the Lord had impressed on my heart to pray for him, to pray God would called him to preach.  And all the while not really knowing that God had been dealing with him. I am so amazed how God works.  I am so scared I won't live up to being a "pw".  I am so not pw material.  I just pray God will shape me and mold me into what my husband needs me to be, a help meet especially designed for him, so that he can be the preacher God designed him to be.  Dear Lord, please help me to grow in your marvelous grace.  Mold me and make me the women my husbands needs, and the pw that will bring you Glory Oh God.   Show me your face and your Glory.  Manifest yourself in my life, in my husbands life and in our kids lifes.  I don't know what your plans are for us, but I pray that you will help us to take everyday, one day at a time, sweet, sweet, Jesus.  Amen."

The next days entry wasn't as full of victory as the day before. I made my first mistake as a pw, and received a "chewing out" because of it.  But I was just sick because it. And it was only my 2nd day as a pw, and already I had dropped the ball.  But all can think of is that verse in Proverbs 24:16 A JUST MAN FALLETH SEVEN TIMES, AND RISETH UP AGAIN: BUT THE WICKED SHALL FALL INTO MISCHIEF.  And that's what I did, till the next day....

November 22, 2005 "The devil is sure fighting a lot harder since my husband surrendered to preach.....sometimes it seems to me you have to be super human to be a preacher or preacher's family.  I will not write all the things I am thinking because they are not very "preacher wifely".....Yesterday I disappointed _________, and today, again.  Will I ever get anything right?????  In a way, I wish my husband would have never surrendered to preach, that way we would not have to be perfect, or that the way it seems.  I just want to cry; my insides are turning and turning.  I hate this feeling.  I know from now on we will have a battle on our hands, but what if I can't do it, it doesn't seem, up till now, that I can do it.  Dear Lord Jesus, please help me to keep a positive mind set, and not think negative about our situation.  Lord I don't want to disappoint you.  I don't want to disappoint my husband or the people around me.   I need you to help me to live right and do right....please take the hurt away.  i want to be in your will.  Empty me of myself, and feel me up with yourself, Amen"

Many other entry's in my journal were full of hurt and battles, but many were also of God's grace and help in our lifes.  I have learned over the last four years, that I do not have to be perfect.  But just to live each day, as the word of God would lead me, and if I sin I have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; (I John 2:1).   I have also learned that the only ones I have to please is my husband and Jesus, and when I please my husband I please Jesus.  Jesus said , "IF YOU LOVE ME KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS", and that is what I will try my very best to do with the Lords help.

I would like to continue to post old journal entries of mine and also create new journal entrys.  Also post some of my lessons, and things I have learned, and things the Lord so graciously has shown me in his word.  I just hope that someone will receive a blessing from this post.