Just Thinking

As I sit here, thinking of how to put my heart into words, I remind myself that I am a preacher's wife.  Believe it or not, I always forget, even as I sit, watching my husband behind the pulpit, preaching the Word of God.... I still don't think about it.  It's usually only by this blog, or by someone mentioning it that I think on it.  For lately, my heart has been sad.  I don't know why really.  I laugh, but still in my heart, I am down.  Just as in Proverbs 14:13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.  It seems for a long while now, it has been like this.  I smile, but behind the smile is a heaviness that can not be explained.  I know this is not good.  What do I have to be sad about?  Jesus loves me.  My name is written in heaven.  Our pastor just preached a message about that very thought.  Jesus said....but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven. (Luke 10:20) Maybe it's the very heaviness of life itself? The world and it's inducements.  The very wickedness that surrounds us everyday that we live and breath here on this sin cursed earth. hhhmmmmm....

I have been reading the life story of John Bunyan, the man who wrote the Pilgrims Progress.  He had so many trails and temptations in his life, but they are trails and temptations that the devil uses on us today, the same ones.  I guess that's why Paul said that we are not ignorant of his devises, because he uses the same old tactics as he did 400 years ago.  Some of the things I have been though, thinking how wicked I was to think such things, but I read how John Bunyan went though the same exact thing.  It's a blessing to read that book, if you have not yet read it, I would suggest you get a copy of it.  It's called "Grace abounding to the chief of sinners".  It will truly be a help and a blessing.